Most of us here on earth in the year 2018 range anywhere from average-“oh no” on the attractive scale. It’s just the way it is. I mean, if being attractive was easy, everyone would do it.
However, there are two sacred things left in this world that can make even the ugliest of forrest trolls look like a million bucks. Those two things, you ask? Haircuts and car windows.
Walking by a car window explodes my brain 11/10 times. I literally don’t even know who I’m looking at when I sneak a little side peek at myself. It’s like the billion upon billions of pizza slices that call my gut home suddenly packed up camp and migrated directly into my shoulders and biceps. I go from looking like Tom Arnold to Tom Hardy. It’s absolutely incredible.
I’ve done extensive, extensive research on the matter of car windows, and came to the conclusion that nearly all of earth’s residents agree that they make you look sexy as fuck.
And there is really only one way to explain how this can be: Vibranium.
For you uneducated, uncultured, inbred swine, here are some facts about Vibranium:
- Almost all of it can be found in the fictional land of Wakanda
- It’s a metal but can do a lot of cool things that normal metals sweat just thinking about
- It eats bullets and pieces of shit like you for breakfast
- It can boost mystical energies (Idk, I stole this one from the internet)
- It can mutate people and animals, which reminds me of what Sid from Toy Story did to his poor toys
- If used as a car window it can make ugly people look jacked and hot
If you would like to dispute my scientific findings and argue that car windows are not made of Vibranium, please contact my manager John McGoldrick at @JMcgoldrick618. Thank you.
RobDark 